its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
