bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry about my life...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
