I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
