no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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