im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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