you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
