i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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