I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
