I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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