i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
