so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
