TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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