tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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