Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
