when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
