So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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