Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
