I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
