I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize