I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
