So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
