well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
