Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
