Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
