my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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