She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
