His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize