I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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