I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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