Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm always down for nudity.
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