How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
