I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
