The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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