You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
