Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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