I didn't shave. On purpose
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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