yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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