Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
