i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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