does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
