it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
