Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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