Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
