it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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