Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
