On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
