I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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