I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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