Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
