Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
