Swine flu. Run for my life!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
