At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
