get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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