so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
