I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Randomize
