We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
