when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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