It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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