Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
