I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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