Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
