Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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