Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
