Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
