Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize