My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
