I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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