i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
