I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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