You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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