I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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