Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
