i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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