btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
