I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize