just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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