I CAN MOONWALK!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
