it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
