There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
