There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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