Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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