woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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