the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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