Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
