it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
