Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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