You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
