My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
