You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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