Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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