Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
