any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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