i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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