I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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