I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
